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02/14/2002 Entry: "Tar Baby Jesus"
So I find myself walking around Ballston late at night, and low and behold, I see the Baby Jesus sitting on a park bench. I can tell it's the Baby Jesus from the halo action he's pulling off. So I think, ah, the Kid's father must around somewhere, and do I have a few words for him...
I walk up to Him, and ask "Hey, Kid, where's your Dad ?", but He just looks at me with this stupid grin, and says nothing. So I say again, "I'd like a few words with your Father, could you tell me where he is.", but still the Kid says nothing, and just keeps grinning at me. So I try being a little more forceful. "Kid, you're all powerful and all knowing Father let 3,000 people burn down to ash a while back. I'd like to ask him why he didn't do a thing. Not even an anonymous tip." There's a long, awkward moment of silence, and then I start getting a little worried. For here I am, after dark, talking to a strange kid with a halo without a parent in sight. And he just keeps staring at me without blinking with this stupid grin on his face.
He must be on drugs or something. I ask him if he's OK, and he still says nothing, and then I notice he's sort of leaning to one side with the hint of drool at one cornor of his mouth, and the halo's actually a bit tarnished and off-center. He's definitely tripping out on something. The last thing I want in the neighborhood is godhead addicts littering the park benches, doing petty miracles to support their habits and generally harassing the residents. So I shake his shoulder, hoping to wake him up and send him packing.
But much to my surprise, my hand ends up sinking deep into his shoulder. What the... . It's one thing for a cop to come along and see me talking to Halo Boy late at night. I could explain I was looking for his Dad, and all would be fine. Having my hand stuck in his shoulder is another matter. So I try to pull it out, but it's doesn't budge. His shoulder just stretches out like taffy. OK.... I grab onto his other shoulder, to get some leverage, but it also gets stuck. I'm really freaking out now, ignoring all those Metro ads I've been seeing lately, but I just end up getting more and more entangled. Eventually I try and pry him off with my foot, but I end up tripping and falling into the sticky gooey mess, and I can't get up.
And it's then that I realize that I've been attacked by the Tar Baby Jesus, and I awake with a start.
No more late night Thai food and horror stories for me...
