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05/07/2002 Entry: "The only unpleasentness on my trip to Alabama"
Apparently I offended some members of my family with my "ughhh" comments from a while back. So without further ado, here is the story of the only unpleasant part of my recent trip down to Alabama:
The plane was coming into Washington airspace, and the pilot's telling us for the third or fourth time that fasten-seatbelts light was going to be turned on really soon, and we wouldn't be able to get up after that. Very Bad Things would happen if we got up after the light was on. Very,Very Bad Things. So go to the bathroom now, while you still have the chance. Meanwhile we are flying into a storm. It's getting darker by the second. The mood on the plane is a bit tense. People are eyeing each other, looking for that terrorist tell. The light goes on, and almost immediately the plane runs into turbulence.
Suddenly some woman about two rows back bursts out laughing. "Oh this is so funny, listen to this...." and she starts reading somethng aloud, but she starts cracking up again before she can finish the sentence. "Oh this is hillarious..." Ha, ha,.. and then she starts reading another passage and bursts out again. Her companion asks what she's reading. "Big Trouble, by Dave Barry, Oh it's the funniest thing I ever read" and then she starts to unsuccessfully read another line. I cannot begin to describe how annoying it is to listen to this woman not be able to finish a single sentence. To make matters worst, she was a horrible reader. There's no inflection, no flow, she's stumbling over every other word. I pity her children, if she had any. I hope they like Where's Waldo books.
After a couple minutes of this I starting wondering if this could be some sort of guerilla marketing technique. Plant someone on the plane, wait until they're in a position they can't get away, and just start making your pitch. Work that book, Loudmouth ! The passengers will all hate you, but make everyone wonder what the fuss is all about ! Work it !
By this time, it's raining pretty hard out, and people are starting to send evil glances back her way. I try and get a glimpse myself, but she's directly behind me. I'm content she's not in the exit row. She's starting to freak me out a little. I'm expecting the attendent come around and inject her with something.
But it gets worse. Her companion doesn't know who Dave Berry is. Loudmouth starts retelling half-remembered Dave Berry articles. And still she starts cracking up before she can finish a sentence ! The articles were not funny in the first place. To have them munged by someone who can't even complete a thought is excruciating painful. "There was this one article, it was Father's Day, no Mother's Day and went into the kitchen and, no, no it was the bathroom, no the kitchen and hah hahahaha hahaha hahaha....and then bah bahaha......" I'm wondering if I ask, maybe they'd inject me with something instead. Anything to not have to hear this woman anymore.
Well eventually she runs out of steam, and the plane lands and it's thirty degrees cooler in DC than it was in Alabama and I shiver all the way back to my apartment, having brought no coat with me on my trip south. And that's was the only unpleasant aspect of the trip down to Alabama.
